I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
