The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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