How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
