im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
