Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
