are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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