You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
