I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
