At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
