I'm eating all of the evidence.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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