The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
