whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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