Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i now understand why vodka
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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