My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
