mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
