my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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