You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
