You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
