You work out of a Hotel?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
