btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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