haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
