Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
