just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
