I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
