she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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