At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
