Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
