We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
