i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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