Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
