I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
