Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
