"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
