I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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