you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
