You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
