just tell him i said nine months
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
