He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
