I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
