redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She bit a glass in half.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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