I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Randomize
