You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
