what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
