Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So apparently I’m into choking now
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