dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize