I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
