There is no way he is gay with that hair.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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