They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
