her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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