Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
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