I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
