foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
