just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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