Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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