i permit you to call me
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
