I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
