1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
